When the Choir Newsletter appeared in a different format, several favourable comments were received about the ‘Final Note’ which included humorous quotes. One such comment suggested that they should be put together in one Blog.
So here they are.
Humorous Quotes about Instruments
My neighbour bought his wife a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
“Oh, I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”
“How come?” I asked.
“Well,” he answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing….”
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Piano Tuner: I’ve come to tune the piano.
Music Teacher: But we didn’t send for you.
Piano Tuner: No, but the neighbours did.
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What’s the difference between an onion and a banjo?
No one cries when you chop up a banjo.
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A short sighted percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. He walks into a music shop and says, “I’ll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion.” After a second, the shop assistant says, “OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has to stay.”
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Will Rogers, US comedian, received many requests for testimonials for products of all sorts. He refused to endorse any product that he personally could not put to the test. When a piano manufacturer asked him to endorse their products, he wrote,“Dear sirs: I guess your pianos are the best I ever leaned against.”
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A pianist left a note for her husband –
Gone Chopin, I have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet, Offenbach – crotchety and all of a quaver?
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Musical Quotes about Composers
Victor Borge said of Mozart “He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.”
When asked the difference between a violin and a viola, Victor replied, “a viola burns longer.”
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Aaron Copland, US composer, was in a bookshop when he noticed that a woman was buying two books – a volume of Shakespeare, and Copland’s ‘What to Listen For in Music’. As the customer turned to leave, he stopped her and asked, “Would you like me to autograph your book?” The woman looked blankly at the proud composer and asked, “Which one?”
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And when Sammy Cahn, lyricist for scores of Broadway and Hollywood songs, was asked which came first, the words or the music, he always quipped, “The phone call”.
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Two struggling composers were looking in awe at a commemorative plaque indicating that Mozart had lived and composed at that particular residence.
“Do you think they will put up a plaque on my house when I die?” asked one of the observers.
“Certainly” his friend responded.
“What do you think it will say?” asked the wishful musician.
“House for Sale” was the doleful reply.
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According to Dan Rather, an American journalist,“An intellectual musical snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.”
Hi ho Silver away!!
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